


darling, hold me close (and don't let go)

by mxdvsx



Series: dancing with this ghost of yours [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (baBY DONT HURT ME), Confessions, I really tried, M/M, No Angst, Pining Atsumu, Totally, atsumu being a coward, attempt at fluff, attempt at writing, author is a rambling idiot, haha - Freeform, i tried guys, idk bro just atsumu fangirling over sakusa, pretentious shit, sarcastic ramblings, soft, totalllllyyyy, wat is love, wat is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:34:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23066332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxdvsx/pseuds/mxdvsx
Summary: miya atsumu tries to confess to sakusa kiyoomi, it goes about as well as anything miya atsumu tries to do
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Series: dancing with this ghost of yours [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1655734
Comments: 26
Kudos: 554





	darling, hold me close (and don't let go)

**Author's Note:**

> like,,,,  
> hi again  
> sakuatsu owns me  
> this fic is part of a series so like,,,, itd be nice if u could read the first one first  
> 'first one first'  
> lol

1.

It’s during their usual morning run that Atsumu realizes that he laughs a lot more around Sakusa. The real laugh, not the cheery one he perfected. Not that Sakusa would care, but in Atsumu’s defense, their runs have been more silent after Atsumu accepted his feelings, Atsumu opting to not hide his feelings with the teasing. Because of said silence, it gave Atsumu a lot more time to think about his feelings.

Not that he’s happy about it.

He’s realizes a lot of things in these silent times, how Sakusa never steps on cracks, how he moves in a steady one, two rhythm, how he taps his thumb and middle finger together in the same steady rhythm as his steps.

He realizes Sakusa holds his breath and waits until the very last second to breathe. He seemed to have been doing this for a while because that boy can hold his breath and he could hold his breath well.

He notices these things but doesn’t do anything about it. He wants to ask Sakusa why he holds his breath, he really does, but there’s this fear of bothering people bubbling down in his gut.

It must’ve started in middle school, he was loud and brash and most people told him to shut up when he opened his mouth. Not that he listened to them. But he remembers. He remembers when his teacher commented on how loud his laugh was, making him perfect his cheery yet not-too-loud laugh. Oh god, he always remembers. He remembers how people commented on how weird his real laugh was. He remembers feeling like he couldn’t control his volume, and panicking in the bathroom on his first day of high school.

But Sakusa never told him to shut up. Yes, he complained, rolled his eyes, and makes snarky (and very rude) comments, but he doesn’t tell him to shut up. Given the right circumstances, Sakusa probably could listen to him for hours, if Atsumu doesn’t force himself to shut up first. Not that those circumstances would ever be met in the first place, it’s not like he cares though. Being around Sakusa is enough.

No, he doesn’t think about this in his spare time. (Yes, he does. He always does.)

It’s a cold December morning, and Atsumu feels his lungs burning, but he doesn’t say anything, wanting to spend for time with Sakusa, as silent as they were, he still enjoys his quiet time with Sakusa.

“You’re oddly quiet these days.” Sakusa says, breaking the silence and ruining the mood like the mood ruiner he is.

“Do my ears mistaken me or is that worry I hear, Omi-kun?” He sees the look on Sakusa’s face and laughs. “No need to be so rude Omi-kun.”

“I’m not trying to be rude, the disgust just shows, it’s uncontrollable.”

“That’s being rude, Omi-Omi.”

“You’d know all about it, wouldn’t you?”

“How could you! Omi-kun, I thought we were friends, I’m wounded, wounded I tell you!”

“Isn’t it what friends do?”

(Friends. Friends. Friends. Friends. Friends. Friends. Friends. Friends. Friends. Friends.)

Atsumu hides his blush with a deadpan, “you need to befriend more people.”

“I hate people, in case you haven’t noticed.”

“Hm.” Atsumu hums.

Wait. “Why do you hang around me then?”

Sakusa goes silent.

They were silent for the rest of the run. They reach their building and took the elevator up, ‘I like you’, Atsumu wants to say, ‘I really like you’, but the silence between them was too heavy. Atsumu walks Sakusa to his door. Sakusa opens the door and gingerly walks in, “I don’t know either.” He says.

And leaves Atsumu there, slamming the door in his face.

Rude.

But he loved him anyways.

__________  
(What does that mean?  
‘I don’t know’?  
How could you, Sakusa Kiyoomi, make his heart race like it’s nothing and leave him hanging like that.)  
__________

2.

Miya Atsumu would not identify as a romantic. (‘Samu said he should identify as an evolutionary  
mistake. He punched his twin three times for that.) 

Never, in a million years, would he identify as a romantic, but he’s in love with a certain dark-haired beauty with a foul attitude with gorgeous eyes that reminds him of the night sky-okay, so maybe he’s a closeted romantic.

Atsumu groans into his pillow.

Being in love sucked, he would not recommend it, instead, you should all close off emotionally and  
repress all your emotions. 

(‘‘Tsumu, you really need therapy.’ ‘Samu says.)

(Atsumu laughs and pretends not to hear.)

He tosses and turns in his bed, his feet felt cold, but his body was hot, but the most burning body part was definitely his face. No, he would not ever admit it out loud.

He imagines Sakusa’s lips on his, he touches his stinging lips and closes his eyes, taking deep breaths. He squirms and wiggles at the thought of Sakusa touching him, but he doesn’t want to force himself on Sakusa, because Sakusa Kiyoomi does not like being touched, he wants Sakusa, but he wants Sakusa to want him too.

Which would never happen.

But a boy can dream.

He imagines Sakusa’s head on his shoulder on that day on the bus, soft curls digging into his skin through the thin jacket. He hears Sakusa’s soft breathing, and tears spill down his cheeks. He loves this boy so much. It’s not fair. It really isn’t.

“I like you.” Atsumu whispers into the darkness.

The darkness did not reply. Because, the darkness is just an empty void (like Sakusa’s eyes) and speaking to it will result in nothing useful.

Confessing his feelings to it will do nothing either. But he does it anyways.

“I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you.” He whispers to the dark and the stars, it was mostly void, partially stars. “I like you, Sakusa Kiyoomi, and I don’t think I can stop.”

__________  
(The sky and the stars are the only company he has, it has been like that for a while, but he has Sakusa’s ghost with him. So, he isn’t lonely. He whispers to the ghost, it’s fleeting presence coming and going like Sakusa.)  
__________

3.

It was Friday after a game, which they won, Bokuto decided that it’d be a good idea to celebrate with a party at he and Akaashi’s shared apartment. How Akaashi agreed to that, Atsumu may never know, he’d assume it took a lot of begging on Bokuto’s part, but he’d never ask.

“Omi-Omi! Are you coming?” Bokuto bumps his shoulder with Sakusa’s.

Sakusa squirmed and shuffled away from Bokuto. “No.”

“Aw…come on! Please? Please? Pleaseeeeee?”

“No.”

After twenty minutes of trying, Sakusa agreed, ‘for twenty minutes’, he says.

The party was loud, sweaty, and full of alcohol, as expected of any party Bokuto throws. Shion managed to convince Bokuto that the more would be the merrier, and invited a bunch of people. Atsumu knew most of them from volleyball, some people were from other teams, some were the mangers and part of the publicity crew, but he ignores most of them.

He searched the crowd for Sakusa, knowing that the boy would probably have a panic attack at the thought of sweat touching him. Yeah, he’d better go find him.

Atsumu wandered around the crowd of people, taking a cup of beer with him, searching for the curly-haired boy with the bad attitude.

He finds Bokuto on the couch rambling about something to Akaashi, he stops in front of them. “Hey, have you seen Sakusa?”

“Huh-? Uh-no, sorry, why?” Bokuto slurs. Then turns to see the calculating look on Akaashi’s face and giggles. 

“Nothing,” Atsumu mutters, “nothing important.”

He continues walking around the apartment (how big was this dang place?) and saw a bathroom, he shurgs to himself and opens the door.

Sakusa was sitting on the toilet seat, legs curled to his chest, he eyes red.

Atsumu closes the door behind him.

“Were you…scared?” Atsumu says after a brief pause in search of a word.

Sakusa wipes his eyes, “no.”

“You don’t have to lie to me, Kiyoomi.” Atsumu blurts.

“That’s a first.”

“What?”

“You calling me by my name.”

Shit.

“Oh-shit-er-sorry-I just-”

“It’s okay.” He stands up.

“You want to go back?”

“Don’t you want to stay?”

Atsumu shrugs and puts his hands in his pockets. “Not really.”

“I’ll go.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

Atsumu opens to door and someone vomits in front of the bathroom.

Bits of it landed on Sakusa’s jacket, Atsumu managed to stay clean since he was behind the door.

Panic flashes in Sakusa’s eyes and Atsumu closes the door.

He holds up his hands to Sakusa and unties his hoodie from his hips, “alcohol.”

Sakusa pauses, stunned, then quickly reaches into his pockets and pulls out the alcohol spray. He takes of his jackets and leaves it on the sink.

Atsumu sprays his hoodie and hands it to Sakusa, who puts it on. Atsumu refrains from blushing at the sight of Sakusa Kiyoomi in his hoodie.

“I’ll take your jacket.”

Sakusa gestures it, and Atsumu takes it, and they walk out of the door.

Sakusa squirms and freezes on the spot, the pile of vomit right behind them. Before he could stop himself, Atsumu pulls the sleeve of his hoodie above Sakusa’s hands, and pulls him through the crowd. They both stayed silent as Atsumu guides Sakusa through the tides of people.

They reach the door and quickly ran out, Sakusa breathing a sigh of relief.

Atsumu quickly let go and they walk to the lift in silence, the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. They press the button of their floor and stayed silent throughout the whole ride.

Sakusa opens the door to his room, and, before he could stop himself, Atsumu says, “can I come in?”

Sakusa did a once over on him and sighs, “alright.”

“Alright?”

“Yes, Miya.”

Atsumu walks in, and the first thing he realizes is that it smells like a hospital, then he realizes that Sakusa is handing him a new set of clothes. “Change.”

Atsumu complies.

They were sitting on the couch watching a rerun of the Adler’s game against the Rockets, and Atsmu looks at Sakusa’s unmoving face and wishes that he could touch it.

He pretends that the Sakusa here is just the same as the ghost-Sakusa he talks to.

“I like you.”

Sakusa turns to face him and raises an eyebrow.

“I mean-I just-wanted you to know, it won’t-I won’t let it affect our games and stuff, and I know you don’t feel the same way, I just-I just needed to get it off my chest, and…yeah.”

He waits for the scorn of rejection.

“You’re trash.” Sakusa says slowly. “I like trash.”

Atsumu’s smile was slow and soft. “No, you don’t.”

“I don’t.” Sakusa agrees, “but I like you.”

“Can I hold your hand?”

Sakusa hands him a bottle of hand sanitizer and he huffs a small laugh.

He holds out his hand.

Sakusa takes it.

__________  
(I love you. He whispers.  
Me too.)  
__________

**Author's Note:**

> i still stand by my statement that duccs r evil no, i dont take constructive criticism on this, yes, im that passionate about evil duccs  
> also did u see the night vale reference there  
> pls listen to welcome to night vale
> 
> find me on twitter! @/mxdvsx


End file.
